home

im trying to sleep. WAS trying to sleep. im getting up in six hours to go surf something, its probably going to be big, and im more nervous than i should be. then the roommate decided 11pm is a good time to blast crappy music. guess ill be having my share of redbull tomorrow. why on earth is he practicing singing at 12:21?

so im up, at 1153pm, and listening to my own music in an effort to combat my roommates. i put on chainheart machine, but decided some mellow hip would be better than metal for falling asleep. and im lying there, listening to sweatshop union, and all i can think of is chile.

i can still see the sand. the sun. the way the pacific reflected the intense desert sun. i can still taste the dry air, and smell the desiel fumes that give the place its distinct smell. i can still see those little fishing shacks, with the busted up car in the "driveway". all i can think of it what i thought on the 6 hour busride back, the one thought that never left my head.

"this is God's country. this is home."

and so im lying here now, and its hard to believe a place like that even exists. i miss it more than i realize sometimes. i guess it takes a sleepless night at 1153pm to realize it.

i miss the people. i miss how every buisness in the world closes at 6pm so everyone can go home for dinner. i miss the stray dogs, and the way theyd follow me everywhere. the vultures, that all got up and flew around at sunrise, every morning. i miss the sunny days with an ocean alive with swell, and rivers of sea foam rippling thru the sets. i miss the hostel, and being cold all the time.

the trip started out as a surf trip, and thats all it was. thats all i thought it could be. one thing thats cool about bodybaording is that no matter where you go, and no matter how huge the cultural barriers, you can alwasy apddel out into a group of folks and feel right at home. all you need is the ocean. i thought about that for a long time. how i never really leave home. i never go somewhere totally foriegn. even if i dont speak the language, i can still look at other spongers and go "yeah. i do this too". and he'll be thinking the smae thing, even if its in another language and reads more like "suem msuh28323 df j@# @........ .".

but it ended up being a whole lot more. just go back and re read what i just wrote, i only mention waves once. it ended up being a whole bunch of things. i guess the things i got out of it are things i never thought would happen. i love that. anyway. the point is, the place got under my skin. got into my soul, i guess, altho that sounds so cliche i cant believe i just wrote that. but as i left that desert, i felt like i was leaving home. the only culture shock i ever had was on the return. i guess im still in that culture shock stage. just surprised at the difference. still. and i dont like the difference. i stepped off the place into the US and it didnt feel like i was coming home. it felt like foriegn soil.

i guess i connected with that place harder than any other place ive been, even my own town. hate to admit that. and even tho its been six months since i left the desert, it feels like the trip isnt over. like im still reeling from the experience, and i hope i will be forever. but after finding such a perfect haven in the middle of a violent and msiguided world, i didnt want to leave, and i dont want to be away. home was once defined a place to go and rest, and thats what chile is. its a place to rest from all the trivial and overthought concerns of the USA and the city i live in. its rest from the things that dont matter. thats home on a bigger scale than just a house, or a bed. even tho its in the middle of nowhere, and in the middle of the harshest enviroment on earth, its this is little haven, tucked away. i feel like the world could end and iquique would never know.

i need to go back. maybe chile should happen, becuase apparently oz wont. ill go back someday. but in the meantime, im lying here, waiting to fall alseep, with desert sand, hot sun, and ocean waves crashing through my head, half listening to music that makes me ache just a little bit more than i expect.

i just think its funny that i had to travel 3000 miles away to find home.